An Account of the Slaying of the Jabberwock
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Gather round, dear readers, as I tell you a tale. A tale that will shed light on the true nature of the supposed slaying of the jabberwock, revealed as the falsehood it is.


**An Account of the Slaying of the Jabberwock**

Now then dear reader, where were we? Ah yes. The story of how a jabberwock was slain, with analysis of all the factors that led to its downfall.

Twas four o'clock in the afternoon when the deed was done...supposedly. I'll get to that later. I do believe however, that I have found the wabe that folklore describes, if only for the presence of a sundial. Many toves have been seen scampering around the area, and my research has concluded that they appear to be monotremes. Being a cross between a badger and a lizard, it appears that the theory of this biological order being limited to Australia and New Guinea has been laid to rest. However, it cannot be denied that their bodies bear resemblance to corkscrews as well. I would have liked to carry out more research, but all their gyring and gymbling made such a task nigh impossible. I do believe the borogoves became a bit less mimsy at the sight of my failure however, which prompted me to analyse them as well. I have classed borogroves as belonging to the...what's that you say? You want to hear about jabberwocks? Bah, fine!

After travelling through many rabbit holes and looking glasses, I finally met the one responsible for the slaying of a jabberwocky-referred to as "my son" in original folklore, a name that he demanded we stick to throughout the interview. His true name was with-held to me-apparently a crocodile from the River Nile is after him and the Queen of Hearts is suing him for beating her at a game of croquet. Regardless, he was able to recall his father's words on that fateful day just perfectly:

_Beware the jabberwock, my son!_

_The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!_

_Beware the jubjub bird and shun_

_The frumious bandersnatch!_

I could not help but be somewhat sceptical of this account. Firstly, the slaying of a jabberwock is supposed to be no small feat. The son was going into danger, likely to never return, yet his father still found the time to deliver poetry. Perhaps he wished to raise his son's spirits, but even so...And what of the jubjub bird, known to frequent an island supposedly visited by a creature known as a snark? I myself was on no island at the site of this investigation. As for the bandersnatch...I have no concrete evidence on this creature, and if I did, I probably wouldn't be relating this story to you. However...

...what's that you say? Get _on _with the story? Oh, alright then.

According to the son's account, he took his vorpal sword in hand and after many hours of searching, he took rest by a tumtum tree...a name that I'm as sure is as unfamiliar to you as it was to me. I have consulted many botanical records, and have yet to find any mention of such a species. But such a search will have to wait as I look into the account of the slaying of the actual jabberwocky. A slaying that involved the son's blade going "snicker-snack," going through and through, decapitating the creature. Filled with joy, he took its head and went galumphing back to his home.

Do you see the holes in this account, dear reader? Well, let me explain.

Firstly, a blade going snicker-snack means that it cuts through something...such as decapitation. A fatal blow, but one that apparently went through numerous times. Clearly the jabberwocky\ was still active during these blows...so where were its biting jaws and catching claws? I...no, that's not me rhyming for the sake of it, it's me doing scientific analysis! The point is, for such a ferocious creature, the jabberwock didn't put up much of a fight. After that, the son "galumphed" back-in other words, galloped in victory...carrying a head after a ferocious fight, after sitting by a tumtum tree to rest...so where did he get that energy from?

My final piece of analysis involves the last stanza of the original folktale, which states that it was brilling...in other words, four o' clock. The entire account begins and ends at the exact same time. Or, it took place over twenty-four hours, yet has toves and borogoves carrying out the exact same actions. My research indicates that even creatures such as these need time to rest and variation. Rest that apparently the son didn't.

Although more research has to be carried out in and around the wabe in question, I do believe the tale of this jabberwock slaying has been exaggerated at best or outright falsified at worst. In conclusion, I...what's that you say?

...no, I'm not overanalysing!

* * *

_A/N_

_This is the result of a writing task, where I was to try and write a piece outside my usual style. After searching through much 20th century fiction, such as Arthur C. Clarke and Jules Verne, I settled on "personal style"-one that I'm familiar with works such as _The Chronicles of Narnia _and _The Hobbit_, but can't say I'm overly fond of. Still, kept with the challenge and decided to do what I _am _comfortable-overanalyse until the cows come home. ;)_


End file.
